The Blindness of Blame

Ours is a culture obsessed with blame. And it's everywhere -- in our schools, our courts, our homes, and yes... in our churches. The overly litiguous nature of American society in particular is one of the many ways we "practice" blame and even seek to benefit from it financially.

Now, I would want to immediately distinquish here between the pursuit of justice and the self-absolving transference of blame. It's this later type of blame that troubles me most -- the blaming of individuals or groups or institutions or entities RATHER THAN the thoughtful self-examination and owning of personal responsibility when called for. Observing an inappropriate "victim-mentality" in people does not in any way suggest that "victimization" isn't a serious societal problem. It's a both-and reality. I believe the same is true with blame -- the fact that there is a place for the appropriate assigning of blame in no way excuses the self-absolving, immoral blame that seems to ever be on the increase in popular culture.

So who or what is to blame for our blame? I suppose that there are plenty of candidates for that distinction, but I'm convinced it's that damnable individualism again.

Here's how our overly individualistic, consumeristic culture expresses itself within the church: if the church I'm attending doesn't "deliver the goods" (according to my standard, by the way) I just leave, making sure that I blame them for their inadequacies. We carry around a private set of expections, never sharing them with others but always expecting everyone to "just know" how they should go about meeting our needs. When they don't, we get mad and leave. When asked why we didn't speak up or saying anything -- it's easiest for us to simply blame the other person as "unapproachable." We thereby make them wrong and absolve ourselves completely.

I see this sort of thing so frequently and in so many places, that I often just shake my head in disbelief.

We are a people, handicapped in our abilities to admit personal culpability or see past our self-serving interests and desires. The addage is oh so true: we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our motives. We're blind to our inconsistencies. Our blaming blinds us to what's real, and perhaps more importantly -- our blaming prevents us from experiencing the dynamics of authentic community. True community, true koinonia is not formed when the community conforms to us, but when we conform to community.

When people offend us or let us down, why is it that we assume they are in the wrong? Could it possibly be that it is our expectations which are wrong? And even in situations were we are "technically" right, the way in which we often respond to an offending party is wrong. One of the insidious things about legalism, is that it's based on truth. But when truth is touted inappropriately, it often wounds needlessly.

The bottom line? We're quick to blame others, and slow to admit personal responsibilty. Our world SO revolves around "me" -- my needs, my wants, my rights, my opinions -- and we're entirely blind to what it means to humble ourself, deny ourself, or die to ourself. And God forbid that we would ever suffer a wrong for some higher good.

Jesus never lived a self-absorbed life -- he lived the consummate life of self-sacrifice. He didn't go around blaming and then abandoning sinners. He talked with them, ate with them, died for them -- he loved them. And that's exactly what our world needs more of today -- not the absolving of ourselves, but the giving of ourselves... even when it's undeserved.

What are your thoughts?

Comments

[Greg]

Chris - nice flurry of posts. Glad to see you took a little creation appreciation time. As a youth pastor I have a couple soap boxes, one of them is situational ethics. Your comment: "we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our motives" is huge and a big help in my fight for authentic teen relationships. My own daughter really struggles with this paradigm.

[Chris (DesertPastor)]

Greg, your students are blessed to have you as their youth pastor -- someone who's trying to teach them how to relate to one another. There's no doubt about it, it's hard to flip that abovementioned relational principle around -- assuming (a good) motive on the part of others, while scutinizing what our own actions may be saying -- it cuts against the grain of our enculturization.

May the Lord bless you in the important work before you. Thanks for sharing.

[Gary Manders]

It's so eaay to blame others, rather than take responsibilty for our behaviour, attitudes. We have only just begun to scratch the surface of what true community could be like, if we reversed this insidious trend of blame and owned up in an accountable way to what it means to grow into the character of Christ more and more each day. Our Consumer society has made it all about "me" and my needs, rather than what we can contribute and accomplish together. Thanks for a thought provoking post that makes me look at own character, to see how I need to change. I guess I would advocate virtue as opposed to situational ethics.

[Chris (DesertPastor)]

Gary, I loved this:

"We have only just begun to scratch the surface of what true community could be like, if we reversed this insidious trend of blame and owned up in an accountable way to what it means to grow into the character of Christ more and more each day."

Yes! Lord, help us to "own up" to our culpability and learn what true accountability and community and reliance on You is all about. Amen.

Thanks for the post, Gary.

[Amanda guthrie]

If you are the influence on our children we are ALL blessed, I only hope children and adults alike can learn the lesson!