Contemplative Youth Ministry: A Review

Contemplative Youth Ministry is refreshing rain for dry youth workers and barren youth ministries.  More than the same old youth ministry tips and tricks, it gives principles and practices to soak in God's grace, love, and power.  I wish I had read it 15 years ago." -- Kara Powell, Ph.D., executive director, Center for Youth Ministry and Family Ministry, Fuller Theological Seminary (dust jacket endorsement)

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I recently finished reading Mark Yaconelli's Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Presence of Jesus (Zondervan, 2006), and have to say that it was one of the most inspiring and hope-filled books about ministering to students I have ever read.

Modern notions of "youth ministry" have consistently pr oven to be a miserable failure for four decades now, and all too many churches continue to hire youth ministry professionals whom they expect to "build" well-attended youth programs.  In so doing, we continue -- in effect --  to amputate the youth from the rest of the body, the church.  We cut them off from the adult population of our congregations and send them to "the youth group", and then wonder why they're not interested in attending church once they graduate from high school.

In the book's introduction, Mark quickly identifies the root problem:

"The real crisis facing those of us who seek to share faith with youth is this:

• We don't know how to be with our kids.

• We don't know how to be with ourselves.

• We don't know how to be with God." (p. 19)

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Ouch! 

But he's right.   We've known for the longest time that most of what students learn is "caught" rather than "taught."  As a former Christian educator, I often encountered the statistic that 80% of what students learned came, not from what their teachers taught, but from who their teachers were.  If we yearn for our youth to become fully devoted followers of Jesus, then they need to spend time with adults (and older peers) who are themselves fully devoted followers of Jesus.  And that's exactly what Mark draws out and then develops in his book.

Well documented with statistical data and well-rounded with the personal experiences of students and youth leaders around the country, Contemplative Youth Ministry is primarily written for adults and church leaders who are interested in breaking away from the "norm" and desiring to minister to students in a way that is fresher, deeper, and ultimately -- more fruitful.

"Changing the way we relate to young people isn't just a matter of developing new techniques or broadening our theology.  It's about a different attitude of the heart.  It's about being present to young people with a loving transparency.  We're seeking to see teens with the eyes of Jesus, hear teens with the hears of Jesus, and perceive teens with the heart of Jesus." (p. 79)

Mark also effectively articulates how many churches still approach youth ministry more as a reaction to their anxiety over youth, rather than letting love be their motivation. He offers the following telling comparisons:

Anxiety seeks control.  (How do I make kids into Christians?)

Love seeks contemplation. (How can I be present to kids and to God?)

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Anxiety seeks professionals. (Who is the expert that can solve the youth problem?)

Love seeks processes. (What can we do together to uncover Jesus' way of life?)

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Anxiety wants products. (What book, video, or curriculum will teach kids about faith?)

Love desires presence.  (Who will bear the life of God among teenagers?)

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Anxiety lifts up gurus. (Who has the charisma to draw kids?)

Love relies on guides. (Who has the gifts for living alongside kids?)

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Anxiety rests in results. (How many kids have committed to the faith?)

Love rests in relationships. (Who are the kids we've befriended?)

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Anxiety seeks conformity.  (Are the youth meeting our expectations?)

Love brings out creativity.  (In what fresh way is God challenging us through our kids?)

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Anxiety wants activity.  (What will keep the kids busy?)

Love brings awareness.  (What are the real needs of the youth?)

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Anxiety seeks answers. (Here's what we think.  Here's who God is.)

Love seeks questions.  (What do you think?  Or as Jesus said, "Who do you say that I am?) [pp.79-80]

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But this is not a book that "dogs" or "disses" the church.  Rather, it is a book that affirms the importance of faith communities in the development of teens, and it is a book that actually teaches adults and youth ministry leaders about how to live a more contemplative life themselves so that they can be effective at leading youth into the same.

Mark therefore devotes significant material in his book to providing readers with a basic understanding of various forms of contemplative prayer, such as lectio divina, centering prayer, and the examen (from the practices of Ignatius of Loyola). He then expounds upon the importance of building and providing youth with a strong sense of "covenant community," before laying out a step-by-step plan for recruiting, equipping, and empowering leaders who can lead their teens into a contemplative style of youth ministry.

Contemplative Youth Ministry does not suggest that we should no longer have fun with kids, playing and laughing and enjoying life together -- certainly not!  Mark puts it like this:

"The purpose of integrating contemplative presence in youth ministry is not to turn kids into monks, nor is it to make us experts in contemplative prayer; it is to deepen our awareness of God, others, and self so that we might become fully alive... Activities in the youth ministry are no longer chosen frantically from resource books; instead the youth ministry becomes more responsive to the needs of the youth and the movement of the Holy Spirit.  We begin to hold our programs lightly, realizing they can be changed or discarded if they impede God's desire for love.  We trust God more, knowing the Holy Spirit will be faithful in -- and maybe even in spite of -- our programs... Discussions become engaging rather than alienating and prescriptive. Missions trips and social justice activities begin to spring from compassion instead of guilt."(pp. 230-31)

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Finally, here is an approach to youth ministry that is both long overdue and just in time!  And if I'm right, we'll be hearing a lot about this book for awhile. Even if you're not involved in youth ministry directly, I'd still recommend you read it (and then pass it along to someone who IS involved with youth).  And if you'd like to hear what others have said/are saying about Contemplative Youth Ministry, check out the blog tour that my friend Bob Carlton has orchestrated in concert with the release of Mark's book. Good stuff.

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And lastly, I'd love to hear your thoughts and responses -- not only regarding Mark's book -- but regarding the current state of "how we do youth ministry" within our churches and what -- if anything -- needs to change.

Comments

[Brian Cooper]

Chris-

Wow. Good stuff. Heather and I led a youth group in Fontana and 90% of our kids were not part of the church body. I felt a need to connect them to the church body but they had no interest. Yet at the same time, we were the only "church" that those kids had. Their parents weren't church attenders and used youth group as a daycare service. But we had a wonderful opportunity to see these kids grow and learn about Christ. We even had the opportunity to talk to the parents as the dropped their kids off and to pick them up.

What do you do when the church doesn't relate to the youth?

I think that another factor to why kids don't get connected after HS is because very few churches have "transitional" ministries that minister to college students. Their basically kicked out and are to young to participate in the leadership of the church so they go from fitting in to being an outcast. One thing that would help would be to have a ministry for young adults that serves as a transitioning time and this phase would help to integrate them more into the adult ministries in the church. I pastor young adults and we are having more young couples and students stick around because they can get involved. Now they are becoming leaders in the congregation!

I think we have neglected young adult ministries to much and have overemphasized youth ministry. Church should be a place where people of all ages can come and be involved and not fall into the cracks where there is no ministry for their age group.

[Laura]

I've been pondering this book for a couple of weeks, but did not decide to purchase it until reading your review. I work with college students and have purposely avoided the traditional style of ministry. Problem is my style has been in flux for a bit too long. Sounds like Yaconelli has put into writing what has been flying around in my head. I'll be sure a put up a response when I'm done reading it. Thanks again.

[Dana Ames]

I got tears in my eyes reading through the anxiety/love list. I wish my whole church could read this and get a handle on it, not just those folks working with the youth.

Dana

[Chris]

Brian -- enjoyed reading your comments.

"What do you do when the church doesn't relate to the youth?"

That's a very tough question. I suppose the answer varies depending on the circumstances and those involved. On one hand, if a church doesn't relate to youth -- the pastoral leadership need to get busy at changing that! On the other hand, if a church doesn't relate to youth, maybe in truth it never will -- and in that case, you've either got to find a different church or plant one!

"Their basically kicked out and are to young to participate in the leadership of the church so they go from fitting in to being an outcast."

Yep. This has been a huge prob for a long time. "Transitional" approach may be okay, but I prefer to integrate high schoolers into the life and ministries of the church long before they get close to graduating. Then, once they do, not much changes: they are still important, needed, and in relationship with other adults.

We're already making some headway with this in our congregation. It's exciting!

[Chris]

Laura -- please DO post your insights and reactions to Mark's book when you finish; that would be terrific. Blessings!

[Chris]

Dana -- maybe pass a copy or two along to the pastoral team? I'll be praying.

[Seraphim]

Chris,

this guy any relation to Mike Yaconelli?

[Chris]

Mark is Mike Yaconelli's son.

[Seraphim]

Thanks Chris. If his writing is even 1/2 as good as his dad, this book will be worth reading.

[Seraphim]

* We don't know how to be with our kids.
* We don't know how to be with ourselves.
* We don't know how to be with God."

I'd say he's on to something here. The Jade is 10 years old. And often the wife and I are in different rooms looking at different 'boxes'. (TV/Computer = Box) We have to 'work' at doing something as a family.

I don't know the last time I did anything by myself. I feel like I need a retreat.

And how much time do I spend 'for God' or even 'with God?'

maybe I won't read this book.. lol

LYB

Seraphim

[Julie]

"We're seeking to see teens with the eyes of Jesus, hear teens with the hears of Jesus, and perceive teens with the heart of Jesus"
That is RIGHT on the money! I think that accepting students right where there at is awesome! Once again, great post Dad! personally, I think its even more touching when we, the students, see our leaders and people we look up to actually "walk the talk". Good stuff!!

[Chris]

Thanks, Julie!

NOTE TO READERS OF PARADOXOLOGY:
Julie is my almost-15 yr. old daughter, of whom I am exceedingly proud. She's also a core leader in our youth group and my favorite horn player. ;)

[Fr Matt]

Fantiastic post and it looks like a fantastic book. Goes to the top of my reading list. He nails it when he say's that we no longer know how to be present to our kids, or each other. And certainly not to God! I remember years back my wife would accuse me of being emotionally disengaged with the family. She was so right. I did the right things - eg going out for walks, spending "quality time" as per my "job" as a husband and father but I was not truly present to them. Being present requires one to be "At rest" in ones souls rather than restless. The Anxiety versus love list nails it! Amen and Amen!